Community Update (6/1/24)

Wellness

Loss … How Do You Move On?

Loss is something that occurs from birth on. And at our stage of life, we have experienced so many different kinds of loss, and hopefully have managed to cope with most of it. Most impactful of our losses is the loss of a loved one such as a parent, partner, or child. And loss of property, such as from a tornado, flood, fire, or foreclosure, can wield a powerful blow. Many say that the loss of mobility, or ability to drive a car is a huge loss in their lives.

So, how do we cope with these losses? It is comforting to have a support system, such as friends or fellow ANV members who rally around us in our time of emotional need, however we may not feel ready or able to accept this support at that time. Sometimes there is a tendency to withdraw from others, to isolate ourselves as a form of emotional protection; unfortunately, this does not tend to help in the long run.

Loss requires a counterbalance, something that can help fill the void left by the loss. It may be something we do/acquire on a personal level, and there are many possibilities here. It requires the person to first look inward, to acknowledge what was lost, AND to identify/define what options and choices remain to the person. This takes practice, especially when feeling empty, but with practice it can be accomplished. Some examples of counterbalance are; deliberately being kind to oneself, by eating healthy, getting sleep and exercise, journaling daily about the strengths and positive things in one’s life, by contacting daily even briefly a friend or acquaintance. Meditation can be a new-found strength in loss, starting small (five minutes) to focus on hope, and strengths, and visualizing a recovery, then lengthening the time and frequency over time.

While these coping strategies may sound simplistic, in fact they have been proven to have a positive effect in loss. The biggest challenge is to overcome isolation and become/stay engaged in one’s community and with the world. A recent article in the newspaper (NYTimes, 4/23/24) spoke of doctors “prescribing” activities and connecting people with life coaches who assess their life situation and connect them with (non-medical) people or activities, in effect to counterbalance some losses in their lives. 

While other countries have been doing this for decades (those with socialized medicine), the U.S.A. has been very slow to do so, as insurances generally do not cover such things as a dance class, or art class despite the improvement in health the person demonstrates. However, there are about 30 such pilot programs now underway. This involves a whole new category of workers as coaches who link! While these activities have historically been done by community nurses, case managers, and social workers, the addition of paying for the research and linkages times would be new!

Recently reading an update on the aftermath of Maui’s terrible fire is sobering. Those survivors continue to deal with profound health issues, as well as losses of people, homes, jobs, total lifestyles. Many cannot afford to rebuild, and promised government assistance is too slow in coming, and too little to be of much help. It stands to reason that the prevalence of anxiety and depression persists. But, the Maui survivors have reached out to each other and the support they give and get is colossal, and many said they felt a powerful connection with their community and with grass-roots groups, despite the challenges they face.

Please let this article serve as a reminder that one of ANV’s purposes is to be there with support and linkage to people and services that could help be that counterbalance to your loss. For example, perhaps a walking buddy, or a friendly visitor is a starting place.  Engaging in one of our social activities (bocce, book club, happy hour) or volunteering on a committee may be the next step to counterbalance. And, along the way, you will make new friends, and perhaps one day you might be a support, or counterbalance for them as well!